B'day 2011

 B'day 2011, just another day in the never ending travel of time wrapping us all, carrying along the winding road of life. I will, like a bubble, live my life in this Amazon called time. Moments come and go, affect me in good and bad ways. I was born on 9th April, at night 9:45 p.m, it was a Friday. I, sometimes try to imagine myself, how would I have been ? How I would have looked like and what my mother's reaction and feeling would have been, when she must have seen me for the first time ? Makes me feel a sense of joy, and how my mother would have been enthralled with her baby alive and in her arms. Gives a feel of responsibility as well towards the lady who gave me chance to live and see the world and made sure that when time comes I will be able enough to walk straight in all walks of life.

Today, the date came again and turned me one more year closer to my end of travel in time. Today was a day of mixed emotions. I really lost something today and gained as well. I lost one of my best friends, my room-mate, Deepinder, for we were roomies for 1.5 years. He was shifted for the project work to the client's location in another country. He will have to work from there sometime.

I came face to face with the chaotic hustle and bustle of the city Mumbai on the evening of 16th. April 2008. Just after 10 days this city's ruthlessness engrossed me and there I was on the street with my luggage and no where to go and pass the night. Somehow I found shelter at my colleague's place and the next day luckily I got a place to live. After 1.5 years of discouraging and hindered progress I found a friend, the only one after I left the college. He was Deepinder. I rarely befriend people easily. It is not that I am anti-social or something, but, I believe my friends will need my time and having too many of them will leave each one of them complaining to me for not giving them enough attention. Electronic way of getting in touch with friends doesn't appeals to me. Well, on this point I will definitely mention two special persons, Ms. Nena and Mr. Srijit. They have been my friends for 2 years now and they are really patient with my talks and the way I go around and about things in life. I will say again they have been really patient with me, not all people can manage this, I know very well.

Deepinder and I were like two very different people living together, I am short-tempered and hasty and clear about what I have to do and when. Deepinder is like calm, easy going and confused about what to do and when. We shared so many memories. I used to yell at him when he got bullied by anyone around for why he listens to people and why don't he give it back to them. He on the other hand used say to me let it go it is not affecting me, I am alright. We now are kind of friends who can cry for each other and can laugh tons with each other, in indeed we have did cried and laughed because of each other. I used to pull his legs all the time and he never complained.

I am very foolhardy and stubborn at times and keep on doing the same things and again until I make my point. Deepinder tackled me well here and sometimes he made me agree to him despite of all my arguments. My best buddy. I miss him very much because I don't know when he comes back I might not be around to see him and talk to him. He was my support when I was distressed with difficulties.

I remember I had stomach aches because of liver problems and I used stay awake all night he used stay awake with me bringing warm water desi medicine to me so that I can sleep somehow. Hats of to you buddy. Today I was in office and was not able to see him off while he left. I did talk to him on phone. I was in office past midnight, working on my deliverables there. Then happened the good thing. 

 At midnight, my project-mates, who were working with me, came all around me greeted my Happy B'day, lifted me and gifted me some kicks to cherish on my butt(Courtesy Mr. Sudheer Noone). That was the moment when felt connected with  my colleagues in the project because I joined the project just 6 months ago and there was pressure to prove myself and work in parallel with them. This is my second project in which I started working 6 months ago. The previous engagement I worked for made me really negative towards people at work place and a mind set was created in 2.5 years that office is not a place where I can find friends and laugh my heart out with them, office is not a place where processes are really followed after they laid down. But, in this project I found these things happening. Initially my older beliefs overpowered but, now, once again, I think, I can believe a bit differently, not significantly though.

A sad day ended on a brighter and happier note. I still miss my friend who left but, I guess I can take on the difficulties with a sterner attitude for success. I can say now good things happen as well. I would like to mention the names of all my colleagues and they are good persons while working and while enjoying as well.

Ashwin Deshpande (My Supervisor ... a clam person trusting his team and the team stands by him as well. Trustworthy and really good advisor when you need to listen.)
Sudheer Noone (This man reminds me of the energizer battery advertisement where the cell jumps and writes Energizer on the wall with its head. Good person to be friends with.)
Nimmi Nambiar (Bubbly and dedicated to work.)
Mahesh Patil (Quick Gun Murugun. The word WHY by Mahesh travels quicker than bullets.)
Priyanka Verma (Cool understanding and very good person to be friends with. Husshh Hussh .. she has approach in Income Tax department as well.)
Neha Worlikar (Loves to laugh and gets confused sometimes over jokes.)
Nikhil Bheda (Disciplined in his own way. Nice person to know.)
Nishant Sharma (All hormones are in place, working very efficiently. A really good friend.)
Soban Khan (Mr. chicken. Day in office is little less spicy without him.)
Shilpa Mungi (My padosi Pakistan. Good person to know.)
Rahul Kunal (Our RK studio in the project. Trustworthy.)
Lakhxmi (Quiet and trying to know us(weird people) more.)
Reza Ur Rehman (POJO working out with Objects. Playing his part well.)
Deepak (New Sheep in the flock. Sai baba is his favorite cute baba.)
Shruti (Very nice to talk to. Trying to get a grasp of whats happening here ? Welcome!)
Ketan (Working hard. Sensible person.)
Kamal (Kamal ki Kasam mai jooth nahi bol raha. This man can get a Bill passed in parliament just by his reputation. Somebody refer him to Mr. Anna Hazare. Really nice and sincere person.)
Sandeep Aragu (Never tired in office.)
Rahul Verma (New bird in the nest. Fluttering wings with the wind.)
Shubhi Bansal (Shubhi DON. Please(Not a request actually) mai Citrix le rahi hun, bus 5 min ke liye. And 5 minutes never end. Bubbly and joyous)

So this my team, I enjoy spending day at work with them.

I wonder why ? ! ... I wonder How ? !

I wonder are we defined ? I wonder if not then how that can be ? I find myself standing in this world, people rushing past and forth me. I wonder what is the rush ? I wonder how they will be at easy ?
I wonder when people say we are happy ? Are they really ? I wonder if emotions are really left in this world or is it the materialism taking over the every molecule. I wonder will I be really missed when I am gone ? If not then why shall I care for anyone apart from me ? Can anything quench this thirst for being loved and noticed ?

I wonder can anything replace the shear joy of personal achievement and gratification. I know each soul today is alone within the sea of human crowd. Watching all this crisscross, it feels that it would have been much better to be born a hundred years before than today and be dead by now. Today's watch words can be said as ::--

Solitude is a better Habitat,
Melancholy is a better Friend,
Individualism is better Mentor,
Aggression is better Master,
Indifference is better Sentinel,
Ruthlessness is better trait.

Best way to describe this world, I find the following words ::--

Baazeechaa-e-atfaal hai duniya mere aage
Hota hai shab-o-roz tamaasha mere aage.

What does that means ? !! Here it goes.

The surrounding is like a children's playground as I see it,
There is something silly/senseless happening everyday as I see it.

In the end what it feels like is we are just biological entities, destined to be born, grow, reproduce and just like any other living creature die one day. Does anything else really matters ? Does anything really counts ? Does anything really exists ?

Yes there is something else and it is big word, "COMFORT". That is we want all the time. Starting from the time we are born, as a baby we want it, as an adult we want it, as an elderly we want it. As a child comfort is getting what we want, as a young comfort stands in materialism and as an elderly comfort exists in respect we get and when people listen to our experiences and apply them in their lives.

I wonder this cycle is so well formed and so well established ? I wonder is there something outside this cycle ? I wonder how can we be at peace ? I wonder how to fulfill this curiosity ? I don't want the answers, I don't want the comfort, I don't want to be. Yes I don't want to see the world being a part of this world. I wonder why I want so, I wonder how to be this way which I want to ?

Up To Par …

It was a long day. I went out with one of my very good friend, she had to buy a gift for one of our common friend as his birthday is in January. We wandered in the market for hours looking for a cell phone, a best deal within our range. Finally after 4 hours of hard work and analyzing the options available we got one very nice deal within our range. The most funny part was we kept on asking about the ratings and user acceptance of various cell phones, over the internet from the same person for whom we were buying the gift and he didn’t had any clue what we were doing.

I came back home around 9:30, the next day was a working day after 4 days of vacation. The feeling was awful to wake up again early in the morning. My flat mate Vishal came to my room, we had a discussion about different things and then it occurred to me spontaneously as things often come to me like an impulse. So, I asked him questions about some assumptions that I have made about myself and I had a complex for those things and felt un-comfortable. Talking to Vishal was really helpful, he broke my myth in his easy language and simple words. I felt really great after listening how wrong I was thinking about me. And I am not at all as bad at things and with some other things as I thought I am. Vishal helped me with some more things and gave me a new outlook in just a matter of few minutes. I always believe things are maximum effective when you hear or read the right words at the right time from the right person.

I know very well 80% of the people around me like me and I do like them in return but, it was just this one thing that I kept myself aloof of them and this created distance. But now, thanks to Vishal he has given me the initial spark and helped me break the circle almost by 70%, rest 30% is up to me whether I really want to get out of it I want to stick to it as always and take melancholy as the friend forever(One of my earlier post on this blog).

I called a friend who has recently gone to another place for a new job at hand. I logged on to internet. Her day was kind of okay with laughing instances with Rocket Singh. Then I logged on to internet and went to complete a dreading task I had first decided I won’t do it and then I did it anyways. It is like un-controllable for me to hold back on something and regret later that I didn’t do it. The feeling of regret makes me uncomfortable and irritable.

Well, then the outcome came and left me with a very sad disposition. I can’t control everything and I am happy at least I tried. I never back out from this one thing, I always try, it makes me courageous attempt by attempt and makes me stronger to take the consequences head on. Well, I was very much down with this thing as I seldom go trying and experimenting with this kind of subject matter. Well, again thanks to my very best friend, Ambrish dada, he came to help me out. One dialogue is a must while we talk, he says, “I am your oldest daddy” … he he he daddy is actually for buddy … and he is right and till I die he will be right. When we meet be it on internet chat, or in person, or on phone one thing remains common everywhere, the exchange of gaalis(verbal slangs and teasers). It is a sport you can only play with a friend.

Ambrish is the guy I can always look up to no matter whatever be the situation. When I was unemployed he was there for me … he got employed at IBM before I managed a job at Accenture. I was thinking to go for MBA because of recession, at that time this guy came forward and supported me with his encouraging words and even offered 5k bucks a month for me out of his hard earned salary so that I may manage the expensive forms for MBA and shouldn’t ask for money from my home. It wasn’t that I was not able to afford those application form on my own but, it is the shear feel of having a friend by my side who is really there for me when I need the most. I was really touched.

This time around, again my savior was the same person, he scolded me first with almost all possible hindi gaaliyan, then he made me comfortable with his jokes, then he explained me showed me the real picture and made me comfortable enough so that I may go to sleep as the next day was a working day, but it was already 4 a.m. in the morning and I was too much late to sleep. I had to wake up at 7:30 to get to office in time but I got late by 30 odd minutes. Ambrish man two thumbs up to you man. He knows how emotional I am but I seldom show all that. Well, at least some one knows and the best part is that he is the person who can help and he knows that. I feel unlucky for not having many friends but I feel really blessed for having one who can equal many.

So, now I am sitting in office, with puffy and reddish eyes due to lack of sleep … ha ha ha ha ha ha …, starting today’s work, head is not that heavy as the previous night. I know things will be topsy-turvy once I will sit alone but I won’t the key is to be social. This step forward by me is again attributed to my flat-mate Vishal who helped me come out of a frame of mind which paralyzed me and made me sit all the time with negligible social activity. Vishal is a great guy, he really motivated me with his simple words. I like simple things and thoughts. All complex things and thoughts don’t have the beauty of it and also if something a commoner cannot understand then it is not good, be it language, speech, words or anything.

I am not changing myself in anyway possible but I will improve upon certain areas where I restrained myself deliberately and there wasn’t any actual reason for that mode or course of action. I just want to follow the lines as always, that I have typed all over my social networking site accounts, “Still a child at the core ( not lying at all ) … Evolving and Changing Constructively every Moment … Focusing on Success and Meaning of Life…”

Friends Forever …

A friend forever is wonderful feeling, only a unique being,

A friend forever has no substitutions, no regulations,

A friend forever is always there when you want, listens to what you say,

A friend forever is together when you need, for downtimes such a friend becomes your lead,

A friend forever with you has no regrets, no egoism, no alternative choices,

A friend forever gives no second thoughts on your thoughts,

A friend forever has no option right when you say none of these,

A friend forever comforts you, advices you, wipes your tears,

A friend forever is always ready to walk an extra mile for you,

A friend forever always protects you no matter what you do,

A friend forever cheers for you even if you stand last in a race,

A friend forever welcomes you at any hour of day and night,

But sad enough, only Melancholy fits all the tiring requisites being a friend forever.

A day in my life ...

A day began, Friday, the celebrating Friday, taking  me  towards  the  dreading Monday. Friday evening  brings so  much, hopes,  relief, joy,  moments to be self  for  sometime. .... Today started a  little different  ... I  was  trying a jeans with a half shirt in office after  a  long  time.  I  knew I'll be hearing some comments ....  but  then  people ... piled  them on me ... during the  breakfast,  lunch and the  tea break ... apart  from this ..  odd  comments kept on coming in  my working bay.

I know they all like me ... but none know me closely ...    They all  were  commenting saying I looked good ...  some  were in leg  pulling mood  ... but it was all  healthy  ... I like  them all in return ...  but the only  thing I can't  share with  them is my time ... because I  have made  my  time so in-  sufficient for me. The  credit goes to all  the time i have  wasted in past. Well, lets not discuss that .. I was just going to write some things about today. A typical Friday in my life.

Returning back from office I discussed career with one of my colleagues ... he is the one who gives genuine advices ... Came home .. waited for my better friend at the rented apartment shared by four of us ... all working in the same organization ... I switched my laptop on ... checked some latest movie releases ...nothing worth watching.

Then came in my roomie ... he is at Tead Lead position and said that he'll be going to Gurgaon for his new assignment that too on coming Monday. I felt a little concern ... he a modest and very nice guy ... I call him sir ji/sanjeev bhai .. but, now I am used to people coming in and moving out of my life. I got hold of my mobile and called my another flat mate ... a better friend of mine ... he was getting late closing his day's work. In came the maid ... asked what has to be cooked for dinner ... nothing was there just a cabbage, chapatis and daal.

A conversation broke in among we roomies ... we talked for, may be an hour. The fourth flat-mate came in ... he wasn't having a good mood ... little disturbed ... something at work drew his active attention... it happens an odd day goes well another one good for nothing.


We had dinner ... started watching Kung fu panda ... but others were too tired to continue ... they went to sleep .. I came down to write this stuff for this is making relaxed and at peace. All this is attributed to a new friend who has helped this idea into my mind ... to write off the thoughts, moods, moments, sadness, happiness, ideas, opinions ... to pour myself into this little space on the internet .. my small, almost non-existent blog.


A couple of days back I knew nothing about my new friend ... frankly these days I really never bother to know anybody, but then .. it happened ... what people say you get positive and negative vibes and you respond to them .... so thats how got in touch with new person I know so slightly and already this person has helped me a great deal. May be someday i'll get a fair chance to say Thank you.

Its 12:28 a.m. at night.... I am in no mood to sleep ... want to write more ... listening to soft and slow songs ... a couple of favorite instrumentals .... I guess this will be another night when i'll be up till the dawn breaks ... nothing new to me ... I passed a disturbed time in the past when I used to stay awake for the whole night, used to sleep at 5 or 6 in the morning and then again getting up at 3 in the afternoon and repeating the same cycle over and over again for around 6-7 months.
For now just thinking something else to type in here .... listening another favorite song ... the night is really quiet now past mid-night.