Decision: Mind's Eye

Hey, A little excerpt about what I went through before making a big decision, i.e., to go for a change.

We value what we have to give up more than what we might gain.

We hate to loose things. That’s our nature. We hate to loose, be it something monetary  or emotional. 

I was at Odyssey book store, in R-City mall over the weekend whence  I was mulling over whether to go for the opportunity I was being presented.

I was thinking harder and harder, taking into account every possible angle which was occurring to my worried mind.

I was calculating plus and minus in every possible straight and shrewd way. I was running around in circles to convince myself by myself.

Possibilities, negatives more than the positives, were churning a cyclonic thought process which was leading me nowhere.

I was fearing more of loosing what I have in my hand. I was not ready to take risks.

I was browsing through books and I was least interested to buy any of them because I just wanted to be at my favorite place at that moment just to feel little better, i.e., a big book store.

It was 30^th.April.2011. I was into a whirlwind for deciding upon my coarse of future career.

Just at the same time I came across a book. “The Truth About Making Smart Decisions”. I was starving for something to read and bring my mind to peace.

I picked it up and turned over to the contents page. One chapter caught my eye, “Giving Up Something ? Get over it !”. I didn’t care to turn to the chapter and placed the book back onto the shelf and again started moving around other shelves. Then somehow an intuition occurred, and I felt that book might help me. And I returned back and picked it up. Didn’t even cared to read, went to payments counter, made the payment and came back home.

After some of my regular internet wriggling, I picked that book and read a few pages. Then turned straight to the chapter I was interested at the first glance, i.e., the one mentioned above.

Then I came across another one titled, “You are not clever as you think you are”. Always surround yourself with the people who can challenge you. Approach new challenges as student and learner rather than as an expert. I turned a few more pages and got a different angle to think upon my decision. I was feeling little better and was ready to weigh my chances once again. At least the feeling of confusion was fading away.

I am sharing this with you because what I realized is, it is really hard to identify the right opportunity by just pondering over facts and statistics. Most of the times the fear of loosing the bird in hand is bigger than if we are presented with two to catch in both hands. We become suspicious over the auspicious offers. Fear of loosing is the thing we need to overcome. Our every decision is a half chance and so is everybody else’s. Once we make a decision we are just 50% done with it. The rest 50% is the part where we need to work and put in efforts to make the decision right one and working for us. It is always in our hands to make things work for us, sometimes the path is difficult and sometimes it is easier.

Wherever we go we will have to work hard. Whether you are a farmer, a businessman, an employee, a shopkeeper or anything else, you’ll have to put in hard work to make things work in your way.

Do not get dragged by the life wherever it drives you, drag your life towards the way you want to see yourself walking.

P.S. All of the above matter is a spill of my mind’s eye which is like an ever blinking shutter. Do not think hard on any part if you feel in contrast with me. 

B'day 2011

 B'day 2011, just another day in the never ending travel of time wrapping us all, carrying along the winding road of life. I will, like a bubble, live my life in this Amazon called time. Moments come and go, affect me in good and bad ways. I was born on 9th April, at night 9:45 p.m, it was a Friday. I, sometimes try to imagine myself, how would I have been ? How I would have looked like and what my mother's reaction and feeling would have been, when she must have seen me for the first time ? Makes me feel a sense of joy, and how my mother would have been enthralled with her baby alive and in her arms. Gives a feel of responsibility as well towards the lady who gave me chance to live and see the world and made sure that when time comes I will be able enough to walk straight in all walks of life.

Today, the date came again and turned me one more year closer to my end of travel in time. Today was a day of mixed emotions. I really lost something today and gained as well. I lost one of my best friends, my room-mate, Deepinder, for we were roomies for 1.5 years. He was shifted for the project work to the client's location in another country. He will have to work from there sometime.

I came face to face with the chaotic hustle and bustle of the city Mumbai on the evening of 16th. April 2008. Just after 10 days this city's ruthlessness engrossed me and there I was on the street with my luggage and no where to go and pass the night. Somehow I found shelter at my colleague's place and the next day luckily I got a place to live. After 1.5 years of discouraging and hindered progress I found a friend, the only one after I left the college. He was Deepinder. I rarely befriend people easily. It is not that I am anti-social or something, but, I believe my friends will need my time and having too many of them will leave each one of them complaining to me for not giving them enough attention. Electronic way of getting in touch with friends doesn't appeals to me. Well, on this point I will definitely mention two special persons, Ms. Nena and Mr. Srijit. They have been my friends for 2 years now and they are really patient with my talks and the way I go around and about things in life. I will say again they have been really patient with me, not all people can manage this, I know very well.

Deepinder and I were like two very different people living together, I am short-tempered and hasty and clear about what I have to do and when. Deepinder is like calm, easy going and confused about what to do and when. We shared so many memories. I used to yell at him when he got bullied by anyone around for why he listens to people and why don't he give it back to them. He on the other hand used say to me let it go it is not affecting me, I am alright. We now are kind of friends who can cry for each other and can laugh tons with each other, in indeed we have did cried and laughed because of each other. I used to pull his legs all the time and he never complained.

I am very foolhardy and stubborn at times and keep on doing the same things and again until I make my point. Deepinder tackled me well here and sometimes he made me agree to him despite of all my arguments. My best buddy. I miss him very much because I don't know when he comes back I might not be around to see him and talk to him. He was my support when I was distressed with difficulties.

I remember I had stomach aches because of liver problems and I used stay awake all night he used stay awake with me bringing warm water desi medicine to me so that I can sleep somehow. Hats of to you buddy. Today I was in office and was not able to see him off while he left. I did talk to him on phone. I was in office past midnight, working on my deliverables there. Then happened the good thing. 

 At midnight, my project-mates, who were working with me, came all around me greeted my Happy B'day, lifted me and gifted me some kicks to cherish on my butt(Courtesy Mr. Sudheer Noone). That was the moment when felt connected with  my colleagues in the project because I joined the project just 6 months ago and there was pressure to prove myself and work in parallel with them. This is my second project in which I started working 6 months ago. The previous engagement I worked for made me really negative towards people at work place and a mind set was created in 2.5 years that office is not a place where I can find friends and laugh my heart out with them, office is not a place where processes are really followed after they laid down. But, in this project I found these things happening. Initially my older beliefs overpowered but, now, once again, I think, I can believe a bit differently, not significantly though.

A sad day ended on a brighter and happier note. I still miss my friend who left but, I guess I can take on the difficulties with a sterner attitude for success. I can say now good things happen as well. I would like to mention the names of all my colleagues and they are good persons while working and while enjoying as well.

Ashwin Deshpande (My Supervisor ... a clam person trusting his team and the team stands by him as well. Trustworthy and really good advisor when you need to listen.)
Sudheer Noone (This man reminds me of the energizer battery advertisement where the cell jumps and writes Energizer on the wall with its head. Good person to be friends with.)
Nimmi Nambiar (Bubbly and dedicated to work.)
Mahesh Patil (Quick Gun Murugun. The word WHY by Mahesh travels quicker than bullets.)
Priyanka Verma (Cool understanding and very good person to be friends with. Husshh Hussh .. she has approach in Income Tax department as well.)
Neha Worlikar (Loves to laugh and gets confused sometimes over jokes.)
Nikhil Bheda (Disciplined in his own way. Nice person to know.)
Nishant Sharma (All hormones are in place, working very efficiently. A really good friend.)
Soban Khan (Mr. chicken. Day in office is little less spicy without him.)
Shilpa Mungi (My padosi Pakistan. Good person to know.)
Rahul Kunal (Our RK studio in the project. Trustworthy.)
Lakhxmi (Quiet and trying to know us(weird people) more.)
Reza Ur Rehman (POJO working out with Objects. Playing his part well.)
Deepak (New Sheep in the flock. Sai baba is his favorite cute baba.)
Shruti (Very nice to talk to. Trying to get a grasp of whats happening here ? Welcome!)
Ketan (Working hard. Sensible person.)
Kamal (Kamal ki Kasam mai jooth nahi bol raha. This man can get a Bill passed in parliament just by his reputation. Somebody refer him to Mr. Anna Hazare. Really nice and sincere person.)
Sandeep Aragu (Never tired in office.)
Rahul Verma (New bird in the nest. Fluttering wings with the wind.)
Shubhi Bansal (Shubhi DON. Please(Not a request actually) mai Citrix le rahi hun, bus 5 min ke liye. And 5 minutes never end. Bubbly and joyous)

So this my team, I enjoy spending day at work with them.

I, ME and MYSELF

A week long irritation, neck pain, still continuing, holding on to me like a friend saying, “you will find me there, I will be there for you”. The pain kissing me each time I turn my neck. A fever, a bacterial infection, a sprain in the neck and excessive work in office is how I began year 2011. I watched one of my favorite movies, American Desi yesterday night. The character Saleem and his opinions about marriage and life some how appeals to me. And I do corroborate to his apprehensions and fears too. What if he is right ? The other guy Ajay Pandya(AJ) is the one that stood out for me when I first saw the movie. The carefree attitude and the freaky things he does is the way I take things sometimes. But, people around me prove to be too serious and “GROWN UPS” to take things like that. Who cares. Huh ! I freak out in my own ways.  

Sometimes I think if I will get time and I be myself then there will be too much noise, very pathetic kind of dance which I own the copyright for and nothing serious to do, a good game of basketball which I can pay to play, flying kites, tickling people around me and plentiful of time wastage, talking in native language – Bhojpuri and enjoying. But, I guess there is an imposition now of being GROWN UP. So to pay for this GROWN UP thing. Who wants to be like that ? Some people find it worthwhile to go to malls as leisure activity and have fun by just walking around, commenting of people and giving their own opinions as the rightful things and bestowing upon one or two shallow philosophy kind of thoughts.

 I guess the best way to spend a day of leisure is with children and playing with them whole day long. Just go to some park, get into some children game, team up and run with them, shout with them, do all kinds of silly things which GROWN UPS don’t do. If that’s what GROWN UP means then all those GROWN UPS suck big time. I want to be FORREST GUMP, I want to play HOME ALONE. I just do not want that childish curiosity die within me just because I am now couple of feet taller and finding my own ways to survive in the world rather than depending on my parents. Wouldn’t it be cool to play hide and seek on the terrace or in a garden with all seriousness as we used to do in early days ? Wouldn’t it be cool to run to the window to see out on hearing an airplane passing near the house. Wouldn’t it be cool to tell your parents what you do and how you do in order to make them understand how serious you do things and you r not stupid, they won’t feel otherwise or mad of you because they have experienced this with you for many years. You are still the same child for them. 

Little things become precious and to be remembered. But, then GROWN UP funda spoils all this fun. According to me GROWN UP means understanding the life, its meaning, the world around and assimilate its beauty before you die. Think upon the things around you, talk about hows and whats and whys of the world rather than gossiping about the Film fair awards and who got what ? Don’t peek into other’s private lives and do not dependent on anybody. Make some meaning out of your actions, either for yourself or for your family or for someone else who understands. “Enjoy life” is a popular phrase these days and people turn its meaning into disrespecting other, not caring for anyone’s sentiments and spoiling their own lives.

There is a lot to be discovered and to know what has been discovered and invented already. Never let that childish curiosity and the child like attitude die in yourself because when these things come out they are the real instruments to enjoy life. Now, in the end I say, “ENJOY LIFE”, do the necessary to survive and ENJOY the world around. With this I mean the real world not the not created by we humans. 

Lonely Birds ...

Fly high, look towards the sky
Propelled by your desires, by your dreams, don't be shy
Relax the aching wings, cry out the sigh
Don't give up, don't give in, try, try and try !

Find the one, sign the covenant, make the promise
Testify your emotions, justify your promise
You fly in embrace and there will be no last kiss
Board the train of togetherness, don't miss

Every life is an unturned book
Claim plethora of happiness and joy, put ego off the hook
Give and get is the mantra for which we must look
Make each other better, be together rather than going into a nook

Look at the beautiful world
Let the surge of love swirl
It is then the destinies are intertwined and together they sweetly churn
Let the words ego, pride and " I " burn.

I wonder why ? ! ... I wonder How ? !

I wonder are we defined ? I wonder if not then how that can be ? I find myself standing in this world, people rushing past and forth me. I wonder what is the rush ? I wonder how they will be at easy ?
I wonder when people say we are happy ? Are they really ? I wonder if emotions are really left in this world or is it the materialism taking over the every molecule. I wonder will I be really missed when I am gone ? If not then why shall I care for anyone apart from me ? Can anything quench this thirst for being loved and noticed ?

I wonder can anything replace the shear joy of personal achievement and gratification. I know each soul today is alone within the sea of human crowd. Watching all this crisscross, it feels that it would have been much better to be born a hundred years before than today and be dead by now. Today's watch words can be said as ::--

Solitude is a better Habitat,
Melancholy is a better Friend,
Individualism is better Mentor,
Aggression is better Master,
Indifference is better Sentinel,
Ruthlessness is better trait.

Best way to describe this world, I find the following words ::--

Baazeechaa-e-atfaal hai duniya mere aage
Hota hai shab-o-roz tamaasha mere aage.

What does that means ? !! Here it goes.

The surrounding is like a children's playground as I see it,
There is something silly/senseless happening everyday as I see it.

In the end what it feels like is we are just biological entities, destined to be born, grow, reproduce and just like any other living creature die one day. Does anything else really matters ? Does anything really counts ? Does anything really exists ?

Yes there is something else and it is big word, "COMFORT". That is we want all the time. Starting from the time we are born, as a baby we want it, as an adult we want it, as an elderly we want it. As a child comfort is getting what we want, as a young comfort stands in materialism and as an elderly comfort exists in respect we get and when people listen to our experiences and apply them in their lives.

I wonder this cycle is so well formed and so well established ? I wonder is there something outside this cycle ? I wonder how can we be at peace ? I wonder how to fulfill this curiosity ? I don't want the answers, I don't want the comfort, I don't want to be. Yes I don't want to see the world being a part of this world. I wonder why I want so, I wonder how to be this way which I want to ?