Discovering Me/Life/Success/Family ... Whats important ? ? ?

It was Friday night, technically Saturday morning. I was sitting in my office bay, my workstation working as I directed it to. My couple of friends were struggling with the software application we develop. Time was passing by with tensed faces, some gaalis in between over why the logic isn't working the way we need it to. I was mashed down between some phone calls out of my home, my acquaintances and my, PERHAPS, would be's and my work in office. Calls were related to starting my family and getting married, finding everyone satisfied with what I am thinking of and indeed it seemed impossible. I felt when people around me, who know me and who do not know me very well, either of them are not ready to care for what I think, feel and want to do. Then why shall I be so compromising ? Why shall I put on stake what all I want to do and how I want to do for them ?

Then came a decision of not to communicate with, PERHAPS, would be and we were not going to talk to each other in any way possible for the coming 3-4 days. If our parents will agree upon the alliance then only we will go ahead. Fine with me, I will never force anyone. I have been living my alone since childhood, no siblings, not large number of friends and just one ex-girl friend with whom it was better to end up the relation. I can live my life alone very well even if no one turns to me. I am vulnerable but NOT HELPLESS. No way. And if I can make  my way to the top I am not at all in need for family, dying alone won't be a big deal as well, it will be just an end to another episode amidst billions of life bubbling on this planet.

It is an arranged married then I can understand, otherwise I am a rebel at heart. It has been now one year since the talks for my marriage began. By the way, I am a software engineer working out of India for Accenture as of now. So, for so long time I had been seeing the photographs and met a few girls for my nuptial alliance. Now, I am fed up of all this. I think my career and my PC are better than anything else in this big world. At they both listen and to me and give me what I need, when I need and how I need.

After having all the talks on phone I took a short break and went to the open area of the IT park, had a couple of smokes alone. Then it dawned on me. Why am I not pursuing my dreams ? Why am I getting tied down ? Why am I pulling the chains tight across my legs ? I want to break free. I want to be successful, I want to make my identity as everyone around me wants to. I have to make a position and once that is done, no one can deny me, no one can question me. I want to experience that feel of achievement and self made attitude.

In Private Sanctuary of one's own conscience lies that SPIRIT and DETERMINATION to cast off the old person and to measure up to the stature of TRUE POTENTIAL.

Till this moment I wasn't smiling, I was thinking hard under pressure. It occurred to me people take their decisions so easily and I think so much just because I do not want to prove myself wrong, not even once. I simply hate failure. I decided I will go ahead with my career first because it makes me what I am. I felt family is good for togetherness but creates more complexities rather than easy in life. Suddenly I loved my bachelor life. I felt friends are the best companions, they never demand and always help, they listen to me and say to me, advice me and gaaliofy me and spend fun filled time with me.

I went back to the bay, cracked a couple of jokes with my friends who value me. They immediately ask WHAT HAPPENED when trouble even reflects off my face without saying a word. They understand me and do not interfere with my life. I started working, unfortunately couldn't solve the problem and surrendered. I wished to go home, it was 1 a.m. at night. But, I waited for my friend Nishant, whom I have nicknamed monkey for some his primordial habits in particular. He had to finish up some urgent work and then we can leave together. He finished at 3:30 and then we left for home, together, laughing and enjoying and sharing the troubles we were going through in such a demanding project.

I came home, started my laptop and thought to write all this straight away and after that I will start with some things to learn in my field of work along with some chips, biscuits, music and internet. I felt like I will not sleep, will not rest till the time I will get what I want in my life. I was sitting alone but I was not alone, my companion, my all time friend my computer was responding to my commands at its best.

Who for Whom ? Who for me ? Who for you ?

A wedding in India is always made in heaven. Just the knot remains to be tied in this world. Indian bride and bridegroom ... a typical couple wrapped in all sorts of complications of bearing each other, compromising for each other, playing ring master and ring mistress over each other's freedom, being nice to relatives, reproducing sooner or later, bearing the child's responsibilities ... blah blah blah ... the list goes on. Scrutinizing on Basic things only, pleasure of being with someone special in your life is all lost. This is not at all touching any context of financial being of any human soul.

Still, in our blessed country people don't have the right to make their choices about their own lives ... the society is changing, going free from a conservative one ... The issues become ballistic here if someone wants to be himself or herself and break free some of the conventional chains of social bindings. Whats the fuzz is all about ? ... Almost everyone in this world will be an idealist and say the line with proud, "I believe in live and let live funda" ... all crap.
A thing we must understand first is that marriages aren't made in heaven ... its each of us on this earth who have enough intelligence to choose who to be with and whom not to be with. All other species around us have just a single purpose for male and female existence of their kind and that is to reproduce and move forward their kind by one more generation. It is us, the humans who have taken things a step further, we care for each other, we can decide.

The is the beauty of human beings ... they can become so pliant for each other when it comes to surmount complications. But, the irony that we exactly don't know for whom we should care with all our care ... Then we say emotions are all fraudulent driving waves in us. "Don't be emotional" becomes the basic tagline. And in all this confusion we loose the feeling of compassion and distrust becomes our primary weapon of attack and defense against each other. But of-course we can't trust everyone around. Reason being one more human trait, backstabbing. Lets put aside this for later.


Making a decision for us about who should be our soul mate is a blessing if you choose right and at the same time it is a curse if you choose wrong. Sometimes a male dares and say to his counterpart, a female, that he likes her and sometimes the female does this to a male. They starting getting along and 99% cases see a break up of their first relationship of life. They become emotionally drained and say that no i won't do this emotional thing ever again. Just there we loose all the power of being human and having the capability to decide.

See it like this, suppose you are a female and a male comes your way and goes away after sometime, you become hurt and keep it that way only for coming future. Being hurt is natural, being sad is natural, but all we forget amongst all the thinking and maturing is that there are so many of our kind out there and may be even better ones. What happens in other species? The male runs for a female and if he is not accepted by this female he runs again for another female ... We humans take rejection way too seriously.

If someone is not ready to be your Mrs. or Mr., take it easy ... don't forget there are many more who can be considered ... the punch line is ... just keep your eyes, ears and all senses perfectly open and set parameters to choose the right one for you. When he or she comes don't play dumb or be shy, be bold and take the first step forward, say what you feel. Again an acceptance or rejection will be the outcome but, again whatever it might be ... take it easy. The best part of this is, there are so many out there. Look for some one who gets easily in sync with you and share similar vibes and then only a state of harmony can be reached.

Finally, trusting your parents isn't a bad move to get your better half. Parents have loads of more experience with this world than we do but, we are also gaining experience, in our own ways and we must not stop believing in ourselves when it comes to take decisions. If you feel the other person is mature enough to hear you, take a step forward and speak your heart out, or you'll always regret later for your another decision.
Who for whom ?? Who for me ?? Who for you ?? Answer the middle one and you are happy. Answer the first one and the second one is automatically answered. Answer the third one and your are already helping your friends. Try it.