Discovering Me/Life/Success/Family ... Whats important ? ? ?

It was Friday night, technically Saturday morning. I was sitting in my office bay, my workstation working as I directed it to. My couple of friends were struggling with the software application we develop. Time was passing by with tensed faces, some gaalis in between over why the logic isn't working the way we need it to. I was mashed down between some phone calls out of my home, my acquaintances and my, PERHAPS, would be's and my work in office. Calls were related to starting my family and getting married, finding everyone satisfied with what I am thinking of and indeed it seemed impossible. I felt when people around me, who know me and who do not know me very well, either of them are not ready to care for what I think, feel and want to do. Then why shall I be so compromising ? Why shall I put on stake what all I want to do and how I want to do for them ?

Then came a decision of not to communicate with, PERHAPS, would be and we were not going to talk to each other in any way possible for the coming 3-4 days. If our parents will agree upon the alliance then only we will go ahead. Fine with me, I will never force anyone. I have been living my alone since childhood, no siblings, not large number of friends and just one ex-girl friend with whom it was better to end up the relation. I can live my life alone very well even if no one turns to me. I am vulnerable but NOT HELPLESS. No way. And if I can make  my way to the top I am not at all in need for family, dying alone won't be a big deal as well, it will be just an end to another episode amidst billions of life bubbling on this planet.

It is an arranged married then I can understand, otherwise I am a rebel at heart. It has been now one year since the talks for my marriage began. By the way, I am a software engineer working out of India for Accenture as of now. So, for so long time I had been seeing the photographs and met a few girls for my nuptial alliance. Now, I am fed up of all this. I think my career and my PC are better than anything else in this big world. At they both listen and to me and give me what I need, when I need and how I need.

After having all the talks on phone I took a short break and went to the open area of the IT park, had a couple of smokes alone. Then it dawned on me. Why am I not pursuing my dreams ? Why am I getting tied down ? Why am I pulling the chains tight across my legs ? I want to break free. I want to be successful, I want to make my identity as everyone around me wants to. I have to make a position and once that is done, no one can deny me, no one can question me. I want to experience that feel of achievement and self made attitude.

In Private Sanctuary of one's own conscience lies that SPIRIT and DETERMINATION to cast off the old person and to measure up to the stature of TRUE POTENTIAL.

Till this moment I wasn't smiling, I was thinking hard under pressure. It occurred to me people take their decisions so easily and I think so much just because I do not want to prove myself wrong, not even once. I simply hate failure. I decided I will go ahead with my career first because it makes me what I am. I felt family is good for togetherness but creates more complexities rather than easy in life. Suddenly I loved my bachelor life. I felt friends are the best companions, they never demand and always help, they listen to me and say to me, advice me and gaaliofy me and spend fun filled time with me.

I went back to the bay, cracked a couple of jokes with my friends who value me. They immediately ask WHAT HAPPENED when trouble even reflects off my face without saying a word. They understand me and do not interfere with my life. I started working, unfortunately couldn't solve the problem and surrendered. I wished to go home, it was 1 a.m. at night. But, I waited for my friend Nishant, whom I have nicknamed monkey for some his primordial habits in particular. He had to finish up some urgent work and then we can leave together. He finished at 3:30 and then we left for home, together, laughing and enjoying and sharing the troubles we were going through in such a demanding project.

I came home, started my laptop and thought to write all this straight away and after that I will start with some things to learn in my field of work along with some chips, biscuits, music and internet. I felt like I will not sleep, will not rest till the time I will get what I want in my life. I was sitting alone but I was not alone, my companion, my all time friend my computer was responding to my commands at its best.

Lonely Birds ...

Fly high, look towards the sky
Propelled by your desires, by your dreams, don't be shy
Relax the aching wings, cry out the sigh
Don't give up, don't give in, try, try and try !

Find the one, sign the covenant, make the promise
Testify your emotions, justify your promise
You fly in embrace and there will be no last kiss
Board the train of togetherness, don't miss

Every life is an unturned book
Claim plethora of happiness and joy, put ego off the hook
Give and get is the mantra for which we must look
Make each other better, be together rather than going into a nook

Look at the beautiful world
Let the surge of love swirl
It is then the destinies are intertwined and together they sweetly churn
Let the words ego, pride and " I " burn.

Mirza Asadullah Baig Khan, Pen-name Ghalib … King of Urdu Poetry

When ever I listen to the lines by Mirza Asadullah Baig Khan, pen-name Ghalib(December 27, 1797 – February 15, 1869), sung beautifully by the Indian Ghazal world’s most capable and listened soloist Jagit singh, I find myself in total awe, as if struck by lightening, completely unprepared to accept that thoughts could so elegantly described and expressed through words. Here I feel the power of thoughts is mightier than the power of words. Words are not enough to express the thought process this legendary personality had running in his once in an eon born brain. I am here by scribbling few lines with meaning as I undersatand them.

Unke dekhe se jo aa jati hain yun muh par Raunak,

Wo samajhate hain ki beemaar ka haal achcha hai

This is Ghalib at his best.

If I smile looking at you you feel that I am alright, even if I am feeling pain at the core of my heart.

It shows that sometimes people require something more than a sympathizing gesture

***

Hui muddat ki Ghalib marr gaya par yaad aata hai,

Wo har ek baat pe Kehna, ki yun hota to kya hota

When I will die people will remember me (as an insane) who used to say that what would have happened if this had happened….

***

Mat pooch ke kya haal hai mera tere peeche

Tu dekh ke kya rang hai tera mere aage

Ask not what my condition is after you

See what’s your colour before me.

***

Dil hi to hai na Snag-o-khist, dard se bhar na aae kyun?

A heart after all is not stone, why must not it brim with pain … ?

***

Kahun kis se mai ke kya hai, shab-e-ghum buri bala hai

Mujhe kya bura tha marna agar ek baar hota

Whom shall I confide in the pains of a night of sorrow,

Death wouldn’t have bothered me had it just been once.

***

Hazaron khawaishein aisi ki har khawish pe dum nikale

Boht nikale mere armaan lekin phir bhi kam nikale

Mohabbat me nahi hai farq jeene aur marne kaa,

Usi ko dekh kar jeete hain, jis kaafir pe dum nikale

Nikalna khuld se adam ka sunte aae hain lekin

Bahut be aabru  ho kar, tere kuche se hum nikle

I have plethora of desire, and each desire is such as ‘to die for’’.

Desires are never ending. Even if most of them get fulfilled, we still feel unsatisfied.

Life and death in love, both are related to the beloved.

Life is the pleasure of being with the beloved and death refers to the pain of separation.

The company of the same person gives life whose betrayal gives death, so there is not much difference between life and death in love.

I had heard the expulsion of adam from paradise

But greater seemed the dishonour at my exile from your home.

***

“Hamko unse wafa ki hai umeed
Jo nahi jaante wafa kya hai

Hoping love, care and concern from someone who doesn’t even gives a damn what these words even mean actually.

***

Liye jati hai kahin ek tawaqa Ghalib

Jada rah kashish kafe karm hai hum ko

A hope pulls you along, Ghalib

Perhaps this path is the beginning of some benevolence.

***

Ah ko chahiye ik umar asar hone tak

Kaun jita hai teri zulf ke sar hone tak

A life-time for a wish to come true

But who lives till the graying of our hair.

***

Bak raha hun junoon mein jane kya kya kuch

Kuch na samjhe khuda kare koi

What all have U said in this feverish craziness

May GOD will it to be incomprehensible.

***

Ro’aiey zar zar kyaa? Kiji-e haaye haaye kyun?

Why must the heart cry for it, why must a fuss be made about it.

***

Behter tho hai yahi ken a dunya se dill age

Par kya Karen jo kaam na be-dil-lagi chale

It’s better that I do not get enchanted by this world

But I can’t get around without being enchanted.

***

Hai kuch aesi hi baat jo chup hoon

Warna kya baat kar nahin aati.

There must be something that quietens me

Other wise I do have things to say.

***

Hum wahan hain jahan se hum ko bhi

Kuchh humari khabar nahi aati

I am there from where I too do not know what befalls me.

***

Koi mere dil se pooche tere teer-e-neem kash ko

Ye khalish kahan se hoti jo jigar ke paar hota

Ask not my heart about your half-hearted shot,

It would not have ached so mush if it had traversed through

***

Dekhiye pate hain kya faiz buton se ushaq,

Ik berhamin ne kaha hai ke ye saal achha hai.

Let’s see what benefits do I get from idols of love

For a Brahmin has predicted that this year has good things in store.

***

woh firaaq aur woh wisaal kahaaN ?
woh shab-o-roz-o-maah-o-saal kahaaN ?

Long gone is the pain of  separation and meeting

There are not even such a night, day, month or year left.

City Of Angels

I can say myself  a movie junkie and the genres I prefer fall in as Thriller, Action, Science Fiction, Fantasy and Romantic. This time, the post is about a romantic movie, The City of Angels, I watched it for second time tonight. A real touching flick. The climax leaves you with a couple of tears either dancing down the cheeks or dangling over the eyelids threatening to control the emotions or else they will reveal how touched you are.

An angel named Seth, leaves his eternal life and power of healing, for a workaholic surgeon doctor Miss. Maggi Rice. He comes to know in past angels have done that and so he dares to do the same. Not for the sake of copying the others but he truly loved Miss Rice. As an angel he is ignorant of the pain of physical injury, the urge of hunger, the power of emotions and the sense of touch but, he accepts all this for his true love.

What happens in the end is really touching and worth expending precious eye water. As for a normal eye it is a ordinary ending for a movie but if we compare what that angel looses in desire of what he wanted with all his heart is really breathtaking and touches so many chords and leaves so many questions unanswered and so much of injustice done and last but not the least stands the ultimate question WHY?

The same I know happens with us in our lives too, before get a chance to display how much we care, how much we value, how much we like, the object of happiness is taken away ruthlessly. Again the questions are the same with the ultimate one WHY? A friend of mine has fairly crafted a poem on phoenix and compared it with ourselves. Some what in the same manner I want to say we all are some what Seth in our lives desiring Miss. Maggi Rice or vice-versa, loosing our big prized possessions, be it ambition, be it way of thinking, be it sensibility, be it habits but, we loose Miss. Rice in a whirlwind, in a blink of an eye. WHY?

Masters of the Art

The word “Art” can sum up every possible act in this world when performed with vigour, charm, passion, love and without a trace of compunction in doing that act. The demeanour of the masters of an art is like a Lime stone rock sheltering cavernous abyss of knowledge. They take out a wondrous thought and approach here and there out of their immense love for their subject of study and practice. These people cannot be equaled or paralleled when they get going.

A master has an uncanny ability to visualize and converge on subtle inferences. The ardent attitude towards their part of knowledge in this universe make them very difficult people to accompany. A mere thought of such company makes a less aware person think of himself/herself as a low form of bacterium and a kind of terror strikes in their pit of stomachs. One has to be continuously saying or stating something intelligent with the master of an art otherwise a retrograde feeling so strong bubbles up that the person with lesser outlook becomes tongue tied and deserving enough to be kicked out of sight.

A master acquires the power to decide whether an abiding has to be a Scruple or ignorance. Their writings are like covenants. Generations mull over their thoughts for years in absolute awe. Every transpiration of ideas becomes a hatch for aesthetes inspiring them to achieve new heights in their field of study.

A master of an art belongs to a different stratum of society, the very elite ones, not by materialistic wealth but by the intellectual wealth. Anyone can be a master if he/she is ready to become indifferent and immune of all the happenings and opinions around and just drop dead in love with the power of knowledge.

A few such masters to be named can be as follow without any disrespect to those whom i do not recollect names of.

V.S Naipual, Albert Einstein, Amartya Sen, Stephen Hawkings, Adolf Hitler, Tom Hanks, Sachin Tendulkar and list will go without stopping. But, then these are very few who have stepped into the likes of masters of their art. Quantitatively, still they account for a mere spec against the intellectual popullation on our little planet the Mother Earth.

Good Morning Sahib.

Sharad was travelling frequently across the country and many a times abroad since he has been a CEO of the company he has been working for last eight years. Right now, he was in the Mumbai international airport’s transit lounge waiting impatiently before some expected noise was due in some time. But, what can be the source of noise at international airport. In these places people try to be very quiet and sophisticated. Sometimes Sharad wondered why ? Will the aeroplane refuse to take the passengers speaking loudly or even speaking at all or will it get disturbed by people talking and will auto-pilot’s flight plan will go awry in its computer’s chip.

Never mind, he has to catch up with a business client and an important one in another country. But, still something in his sub-conscious mind was poking about a kind of expected noise because some ambient voices were now faintly audible. To his shock Sharad felt a light crawl on his leg, like some four legged thing was crawling on him. And then the expected noise came into his ears, the alarm clock was on a mission to wake up his master no matter how high it has to squeal. The four legged thing crawling on his leg came into vision, Sharad and Shikha’s ten months old daughter “Betu”, along with the alarm clock was trying to wake up her maaa. And saw towards her maaa(mother) with an expression that her maaa(father) isn’t responding. This was thing Sharad and Shikha were literally fan of. Their daughter called them both “maaa”. She was too young to utter any other meaningful voice. Also, the easiest thing to pronounce for a child is the word “maa”.

Shikha lifted up the little princess and made her sit on daddy’s chest. Betu patted Sharad on shoulders urging him to play with her. He was awake now, his CEO dream was over and there he was a Senior software engineer working in a very big and reputed Europe based MNC. His wife, Shikha, was also employed in the same company and was a level up than Sharad. She was his Team leader. They were now married for 2 years and Shikha decided to quit the job a few months back after they had the baby. Sharad was due for a promotion in a couple of days to the Tead leader’s role in his current project and was also recommended to work with the client’s team in Chicago, USA in coming 3 months. He then, will have to leave for US with his family for around three years.

Sharad carried her little princess to the bathroom and started brushing his teeth with Betu playing in his other arm with his hairs and his shaving brush he gave in her hands. Quickly he got ready for the office and came out of his flat to get into the elevator. He always felt moving in the elevator made the slowest part of his journey to office. He came out went to the parking and a very familiar and expected voice came in, “Good Morning Sahib”. Shambhu, the building’s night watchman was finishing his shift. He greeted Sharad every morning since two years. Sharad also, replied back “Kya haal chaal hain Shambhu sahab ?”.He felt kind of attachment with the old man. The old man was very compassionate and was particularily attached with Betu. He always played with her when Shikha took her for a walk in the evening or sometimes in night with Sharad also accompanied his family.

Sometimes the old watchman often adviced Sharad out of his age old  experience with this world. Sharad has lost his parents before getting  married to Shikha. First his father passed out and then her mother  couldn’t take the loss for long and she too passed away. This was also  one reason Sharad listened to the old man as there wasn’t anyone  elder than him in family who can advice him. The old man used to be a  part of the celebrations on festivals and birthdays. He was known to  the family for a long time when Sharad was in college. Sharad was now  ready in his car to jostle his way for the office through the Mumbai’s  gruff morning traffic. Sharad intended to sell off his real estate property before leaving for US because there won’t be anyone to look after as he has no siblings. Selling off the property and some land in his village will make a huge amount of money, lets say around fifty million INR.

Sharad’s day in office was an excellent one, his project manager gave him a good news that he has to leave for US in just one and a half months. That evening Sharad was very excited, he had plans to never come back once he left India. Who is here for whom he must come back ? Shambhu met him in the parking, Sharad gave in him the good news. Shambhu congratulated him but his voice was shaky. He asked whether Betu and Shikha also be going with him ? Sharad told him yes they will also be going. Shanbhu hugged Sharad tightly and went away to his small room nearby the building where he lived with his wife and son. His son worked as a taxi driver. His teary eyes left Sharad disturbed. For the first time he felt like he will be leaving behind some one on his departure from the country.

Sharad went home, played with Betu for sometime till she went to sleep. He discussed with his wife what happened in the parking today evening, his conversation with Shambhu. Shikha also felt bad thinking about how Shambhu has been the part of their family for long and he’ll left behind. But, what they can do they have to leave anyways, for their better future for their little daughter’s better future. Thinking and discussing about the same they went to sleep.

A week later Sharad’s and his family’s visa processing and other formalities before leaving started. He also called upon some of brokers to sell off his real estate property in Mumbai as soon as possible. In the mean time he and Shikha thought out something for Shambhu. One evening Sharad called Shambhu and his wife to his home and gave them the keys and registry papers of his furnished house in his village and five hundred thousand INR. Sharad and Shikha figured out this won’t be a problem for Shambhu to shift there as he was from the same village as of Shard’s father. At least he can do this much when he was ready to raise around fifty million INR by selling off his properties in India.

Shambhu broke down, his wife too, had tearful eyes with all the blessings of the world for Sharad, Shikha and Betu. Shikha too brimmed with emotions as both these old people cared for their family and her little princess. Sharad hugged Shambhu and promised to send back address and contact phone number when he will be in US. In the background Betu struggled to get off her maa’s(mother) arms for her maa(father) to play with her on the song “Lakadi ki kathi, kathi pe ghoda, ghode ki dum pe jo maara hathoda, dauda duada ghoda dum utha ke dauda”, by being her ghoda. The hard work of Sharad and Shikha paid off for their lives and life long endurance on Shambhu’s part paid off too. There were very few days left for Sharad to listen to “Good Morning Sahib” and reply back with “Kya haal chaal hain Shambhu sahab ?”.

Who for Whom ? Who for me ? Who for you ?

A wedding in India is always made in heaven. Just the knot remains to be tied in this world. Indian bride and bridegroom ... a typical couple wrapped in all sorts of complications of bearing each other, compromising for each other, playing ring master and ring mistress over each other's freedom, being nice to relatives, reproducing sooner or later, bearing the child's responsibilities ... blah blah blah ... the list goes on. Scrutinizing on Basic things only, pleasure of being with someone special in your life is all lost. This is not at all touching any context of financial being of any human soul.

Still, in our blessed country people don't have the right to make their choices about their own lives ... the society is changing, going free from a conservative one ... The issues become ballistic here if someone wants to be himself or herself and break free some of the conventional chains of social bindings. Whats the fuzz is all about ? ... Almost everyone in this world will be an idealist and say the line with proud, "I believe in live and let live funda" ... all crap.
A thing we must understand first is that marriages aren't made in heaven ... its each of us on this earth who have enough intelligence to choose who to be with and whom not to be with. All other species around us have just a single purpose for male and female existence of their kind and that is to reproduce and move forward their kind by one more generation. It is us, the humans who have taken things a step further, we care for each other, we can decide.

The is the beauty of human beings ... they can become so pliant for each other when it comes to surmount complications. But, the irony that we exactly don't know for whom we should care with all our care ... Then we say emotions are all fraudulent driving waves in us. "Don't be emotional" becomes the basic tagline. And in all this confusion we loose the feeling of compassion and distrust becomes our primary weapon of attack and defense against each other. But of-course we can't trust everyone around. Reason being one more human trait, backstabbing. Lets put aside this for later.


Making a decision for us about who should be our soul mate is a blessing if you choose right and at the same time it is a curse if you choose wrong. Sometimes a male dares and say to his counterpart, a female, that he likes her and sometimes the female does this to a male. They starting getting along and 99% cases see a break up of their first relationship of life. They become emotionally drained and say that no i won't do this emotional thing ever again. Just there we loose all the power of being human and having the capability to decide.

See it like this, suppose you are a female and a male comes your way and goes away after sometime, you become hurt and keep it that way only for coming future. Being hurt is natural, being sad is natural, but all we forget amongst all the thinking and maturing is that there are so many of our kind out there and may be even better ones. What happens in other species? The male runs for a female and if he is not accepted by this female he runs again for another female ... We humans take rejection way too seriously.

If someone is not ready to be your Mrs. or Mr., take it easy ... don't forget there are many more who can be considered ... the punch line is ... just keep your eyes, ears and all senses perfectly open and set parameters to choose the right one for you. When he or she comes don't play dumb or be shy, be bold and take the first step forward, say what you feel. Again an acceptance or rejection will be the outcome but, again whatever it might be ... take it easy. The best part of this is, there are so many out there. Look for some one who gets easily in sync with you and share similar vibes and then only a state of harmony can be reached.

Finally, trusting your parents isn't a bad move to get your better half. Parents have loads of more experience with this world than we do but, we are also gaining experience, in our own ways and we must not stop believing in ourselves when it comes to take decisions. If you feel the other person is mature enough to hear you, take a step forward and speak your heart out, or you'll always regret later for your another decision.
Who for whom ?? Who for me ?? Who for you ?? Answer the middle one and you are happy. Answer the first one and the second one is automatically answered. Answer the third one and your are already helping your friends. Try it.